Wednesday, March 27, 2002 shleeepy i'm tired. called ezpass again to remind them that i have still not received my replacement ezpass tag. they said that i could still use the old one, but then they said the last time it was used was march 2nd, which i dont think is accurate because i swear i used it on the 18th. hmmm. what is that about? called voicestream today to get a new phone. mine doesnt work without the headset...which can get rather annoying after a while. wrapping and unwrapping the stupid wire and then it gets tangled while i am driving and i am trying to jam the headset thing in my ear and unwrap the wire and answer the phone and get change for the toll because i dont have ezpass right now and its just one huge driving disaster waiting to happen. but on the brighter side...the joycam that i bought a while ago that was taken from me by someone (who decided to return everything i ever gave him BUT that) was on sale at odd job for $9.99. yipee to me. 4:48 PM

Tuesday, March 26, 2002 the blahs mom is coming home on thursday. happy for her arrival. not happy to hear the nagging that will inevitably follow. "did you hear from law school yet?" "why are you always going out?" "where are you going?" "what are you going to do with your life?" or maybe things will be different. maybe she will realize that i am an adult and that she should just let me be. fat chance. many things to think about. like where am i going to be next year. what am i going to do. arg. it seems as if the majority of people i know are pretty much set with where they are going and what they are going to do and me...i am just standing still. the more i just stand there, the more i realize what i dont want to do. its my fault anyway....had i not been so nonchalant about my life to date, my mother would not be on my case. i blame myself for my apathy. ive been taking alot for granted and i have to learn that things cannot constantly be handed to me time after time. so what the fuck do i want to do? bleh. i'm not going to bore you people with this shit. its ok. i have other things to occupy my mind when i dont want to think about these things. like how i managed to do four freaking loads of laundry in one night. ive been slacking. how many times do you wear a pair of jeans before you wash them? i heavily rotate 4 pairs of jeans and i am disturbed at the fact that the demin in my favorite pair is starting to wear out from constant washing. saw training day yesterday. i understand how denzel washington won for his role...but i'm thinking that he's acted alot better in other movies where he should have won. cant say the same for halle berry. didnt see monsters ball. want to though. its playing at the $4 movie theatre...along with amelie & in the bedroom. but no one will watch these movies with me. and i really want to see amelie. anyhow, bles and i are talking right now and she was telling me about her lesbian encounter and how afraid she was. haha. and then i told her about the one girl i had a crush on. freshman year of college. knight room, take-out. standing on line waiting to put in my sub order and i saw this bohemian looking asian girl. and she had to be the prettiest girl i have ever seen. and i couldnt stop staring at her. i wanted to say something to her, say hello...cut her on line...ask her for ketchup. i dont know. but i just stared. oh well. 11:26 AM

Monday, March 25, 2002 merry christmas!!! got my haircut on friday...an hour and a half later i emerged from the salon $53 dollars poorer with a questionable haircut. i arrive at kat's for her approval and as i am walking through the door, she asks, "what did she do?" crap ass shit. got to joyce's. had to rescue cinderella who's stuck at home cleaning because she's home from work. sat down at the olive garden on rt 22 and waited for her response. nothing. she didnt even notice. crap ass shit. by the way, this particular olive garden is self serve, self seating with waiters who curse at you and take a year and a day to get you a salad. saturday lunch at benihanna's was also interesting. it was a very multicultural group of chefs. j termed it mexi-hana. spent the rest of the day listening to j and kat bicker. watched joyce's cotillion tape from 1996. ugh. kept staring at the big pink dress, the overplucked eyebrows and the chunkiness of senior year. forced to watch exboyfriend number 3. crap ass shit. you could tell every time i made a mistake because i started cracking up. and i was laughing a whole lot during the dances. woke up relatively early on sunday morning. j and i celebrated by eating breakfast at the diner. ever notice how after you eat you get really lazy and want to go back to sleep? or is that just us? afterwards, went back to j's and layed in bed like fat cows til around 130pm. i went to jersey gardens and shopped around with no agenda. very upset with forever 21. went in to try 6 things, came out with nothing. but i left on a good note. the benetton jeans i had been eyeing a week ago with michelle at garden state were on sale at the outlet store! yipee! bought those things $20 cheaper and a cute little green sweater for $9.99. went to bcbg just to browse and i found the shirt i was going to get michelle for christmas. i planned to get it when i came back from sf, but by the time i got back, it was gone. and i didnt know what to get her. but then i found it! yipee! so i spoke to j after i got out of the mall and told him that i bought her gift and i was going to drop it off today and he goes, "no, i didnt wrap her gift yet! i havent given it to her....let's give it together." michelle was rather pleased to hear she would be celebrating christmas again. always happens--going to the mall looking like shit always equates to seeing many people you know. joyce's car got broken into last week and now today i hear ed's car got broken into. makes me want to go out and buy a club. doesnt help that j lives down the street from ed. to do list today: 1. go to bank, deposit check 2. get jeans hemmed. 3. get face moisturizer. 4. get club. have a good day today people. 11:25 AM

Friday, March 22, 2002 this week went by really fast probably because you thought wednesday was tuesday, moron. i had this dream that i was harry potter and kat was my sidekick and dumbledore caught us up to our usual shenanigans and so he punished kat by making her re-program all the the televisions. i woke up before i got mine. recap. wednesday - heard a chilling rendition of nsync's "i drive myself crazy" courtesy of lazo during the karaoke hour at champ's. thursday - ate dinner with lou, bles, joyce and j at oddfellows. listened to lou and bles talk about 'what could have been' while laughing hysterically at the thought of how short their children would actually be. then it started snowing outside. i wasnt aware that it was supposed to snow. dropped off j and then went to....willows. can you believe it? after 3 some odd years of boycotting the place, i actually went back. i was told by someone, who will remain nameless *cough, cough, bles. emm.* that there was absolutely no one there. right. anyway, watched the three of them play pool for about an hour while gossiping with lou the majority of the time. lou gave me pictures from the baptism last saturday and it was only then that i realized how truly moppy my hair has grown. i havent cut it for about a year, so today i am going to venture out to hoboken to tame this out-of-control mess. 1:38 PM

Wednesday, March 20, 2002 and i thought today was tuesday i am one degree off today. nothing of interest has happened to me in the last several days. i ate a donut. been sleeping alot. i think i'm coming down with something. i think it's j's fault. hmm. i have things to look forward too, though. tonight is lazo's birthday dinner. wow, alot of those have been coming around lately. tomorrow i am supposed to have dinner with bles and lou. saturday is brunch at bennihana's (is that how its spelled?) with bles, kat, joyce and lou. mom comes back next week. i have a new found fascination with my bag. i have discovered a system when it comes to what goes into my bag. would you like to know? 1. wallet. for obvious reasons. 2. cell phone. for anyone that doesnt have one, that's just cruel. 3. camera. **recent addition** now that my film is really cheap to develop, i can afford to take random pictures of anyone and anything. and you never know when you are going to need a camera. case in point: michelle and i were driving through the city one day a couple of weeks ago. at a red light, we saw lisa ling standing on the corner. now, had i brought a camera with me, i would not have taken the picture. what i would have done was coerce michelle into taking it. 4. notepad. i do this for obvious reasons. my short term memory is shot to shit. i constantly need to write things down in order to remember them. lists and what not. also, if i am reading magazines in the bookstore, and i see some article or product i like, but am too cheap to actually buy the magazine (actually no, i am not cheap. its a resolution that i made not to buy fashion magazines) i can just write down what interests me. also good for writing down flashes of brilliance. 5. pen. see above. 6. make up bag. ah, there are many facets to a make up bag. i carry only the essentials: a. rosebud salve. my lips are very chappy. please apply constantly. b. leclerc powder. i have had this powder since paris 2000. c. maybelline 3&1. i think everyone should carry this product. it really does wonders. 7. reading material. book/article cut out/magazine. you never know when you are going to have some down time. 8. sanitary napkin. i have some serious horror stories about the lack of... 9. travel-sized toothbrush. i've not been staying home lately. its good to carry it around. 10. gum. gum is key. 11. pictures. always a pick-me-up. it irks me to be unprepared. 1:37 PM

Sunday, March 17, 2002 more randomness i realized something yesterday. i do not particulary care for slow talkers. something makes me want to shake them really hard in the hopes that the words will just fall out of their mouths quicker. i keep seeing this commercial on tv, and everytime i do, i say to myself, "oh, i need to buy that." but then i never write down what it is i think i need to get. and now i cant think of it. how aggravating. i spent the majority of last night taking pictures. that was my fun. dance floor was too crowded. someone (who will remain nameless unless he/she would like me to expose him/her) once told me that they were convinced 99% of the world was full of ugly people. from last night, i beg to differ. there were just so many people that looked presentable. i dont want to say beautiful because i think that word is too strong. many j.lo wannabe's. i think i saw craig david. a couple of britneys. presentable people. 1:08 PM

Saturday, March 16, 2002 random thoughts today as i was driving down my street, i saw a little boy crouched down behind a tree throwing rocks at oncoming cars. and remember, when youre dumb, youre young (and yes, thats the way i meant to say it...right kat?). ive been looking for the camera i had back in junior year of highschool - kodak cameo 35mm motor ex. kat got it stolen...prom/junior year/hudson. to this day i suspect it was exboyfriend #2. i checked 2 best buy stores, the wiz, target, circuitcity.com, etc., etc. and no one seemed to have it. i was disheartened that i could not find this camera. my whole reasoning for finding this camera again was because i was really looking for a polaroid camera. i threatened j that i would take naked pictures of him while he slept and post them on the web. that joke turned into a little obession of mine to find the polaroid camera guy pierce had in memento. the version that they sell to the public is monstrously big. then i realized the reason why i did not use my regular nikon camera all the time was because it was advantix. and for anyone that has advantix, they know that developing it is an arm and a leg. hell, even the film itself is expensive. and if youre like me, and develop film in bulk, that shit adds up. anyway, 35mm film is really cheap to develop and i loved my little cameo. the point of this seemingly endless babble is that i found my camera. this morning. at cvs. up the block from my house. because i had to buy brianna's baptism card. last minute. yippee to me! today was my goddaughter brianna's baptism. i was kicked from primary ninang to secondary. bah. going out now for jeru'sgoingawaypartyslashgary'sbirthday. eugene's. nyc. feel free to come. all are invited. look for me. i'll be the girl taking pictures of everyone with a kodak cameo. say cheese! 9:54 PM

Wednesday, March 13, 2002 revelation i dont want to go to law school. i would never make a good lawyer. i think i'm too nice of a person for that. 11:44 AM

Tuesday, March 12, 2002 disappeared i looked up and you were gone. where'd you go? did you find some other place to hide? i kept looking to see if you'd show up, but you didnt. and today i looked, and you were gone. i miss you already. can you please come back. 10:27 AM

Monday, March 11, 2002 i dont like jello, but i do recommend jolly rancher gel snacks. gelatinous jolly ranchers. i applaud the workers at conagra foods. well done, people. 4:20 PM

minutes are passing into hours and days and weeks and months and i am just standing still. question posed to me by j last night: "why is it when you say 'twenty' you pronounce it 'twen-tee,' but when you say 'ninety' you pronounce it 'nine-dee'?" 1:02 PM

Sunday, March 10, 2002 fastfood marathon madness & the rest of the weekend update in the ninth grade i had to get confirmed by the church. the really cool thing about it is that you get to pick your own confirmation name. now, for the most part, i think that girls are, at one point or another, unsatisfied with their birthname. hell, in the sixth grade, i told my family and friends to start calling me chica. chica del valle. this was all thanks to a summer's worth of troop beverly hills on cable at my cousin, gina's, house. i even had magazine subscriptions sent to my house with that name. anyhow, i took this confirmation name thing seriously. and after long afternoons in the waldenbooks maternity book section looking at baby names, i settled on the name amelie. pretty. french. now a critically acclaimed french foreign flick. i didnt realize how much it sounded like homily. am-eh-lee. hom-eh-lee. ninth graders can be so immature. while i was way ahead of my time with that name, they just thought hom-eh-lee was the most hilarious thing. i dont know what made me remember that. friday's festivities were right out of a biggie/dr dre/rkelly video. i had one meal that whole day. and then 2 tanquerays, 1 shot of blackhaus and 2 glasses of moet. by the time i got out of there, i was pretty out of it. and really hungry. the rest of the cavalry wanted to eat at hopkee, but i was too tired and too hungry to wait...so j and i went home. and slept. and woke up around 1pm feeling very hungry. j asked me what i wanted to eat for lunch and i said, "a champ burger, mcdonalds fries and a taco." after several minutes of laughing and joking about it, he realized the seriousness of my request, and we headed out with our mission of the day: get as fat as we could in one sitting. mcdonalds, first stop. got my $1 fries. checkers, next stop. one number 3 (champburger/fries/coke), 2 double-cheeseburgers&order of chili-cheese fries. burger king, next stop. chicken tenders (i just wanted one.) taco bell, last stop. taco. best damn taco i ever ate. i just want to say that i have developed an enormous crush on j. because of the way he says shoppe. because he puts on strawberry chapstick religiously. because he always lights my cigarettes. because he shakes my coffee so the sugar is evenly distributed. because he never fails to text me good morning, every morning since ive known him. and because he calls me beautiful. 4:37 PM

Friday, March 08, 2002 the best things in life Falling in love. Laughing so hard your face hurts. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. Giggling. A good conversation. The beach when it snows. Laughing at yourself. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful. Laughing at an inside joke. Friends. Falling in love for the first time. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. Waking up next to the one you love. Your first kiss. Road trips with friends. Watching a good movie cuddled up on a couch with someone you love. Late night talks with your roommate that keep you from sleeping. Dunkin Donuts coffee, light and sweet. Getting butterflies in your stomach every time you see that one person. Spending time with close friends. sorry, i was reading old emails, and this was one of the only forwards i actually saved. i altered the list to my liking. 11:03 AM

Thursday, March 07, 2002 time wounds all heals ive grown accustomed to the taste of tums. soon i will be taking shots of metamucil. ive been chomping on it like regular candy. after a while, you forget the chalky taste and the paste it leaves in your mouth is almost pleasant. I am pretty excited for tomorrow. Birthday celebrant: joyce bautista. Age: old. haha. (just kidding) 24. location:china club. Time: 10pm, filipino time—12:30 or so??? ooh....happy birthday ghetto girl!!!!! i have made a promise to get completely sloshed tomorrow night. which kind of scares me. the last time i was drunk was too long ago. i am not the drinking type. yes, i will indulge in the occasional smirnoff ice, but lets face it, that’s not even really alcohol. i haven’t done any significant amounts of hard liquor since college during our hamilton street parties. but……the one, and only, time that i was completely gone was the infamous kat/bles birthday soiree at neolounge – junior year. I will never forget because kat’s mom will not let me. tequila shot. tequila shot. tequila shot. tequila shot. tequila shot. ooh, austria’s tequila shot. tequila shot. and that was my night. i dont remember much from that night. everything i know has been retold to me like some urban myth…the gist is the same, but the details somehow seem a little different each time. first off, I got lost somewhere. someone was supposed to drive me to kat’s house but they lost me during the walk to the car. or i lost them. ended up sitting on some street corner somewhere in new york, where someone i knew happened to pass by and pick me up off the floor. got to kat’s house, giggled incessantly throughout the hallway. i think that woke up kat's mom, who asked us, "are you two drunk?" got into her room. knocked over her lamp. i think i broke it. somewhere in the middle of the night, i decided that i need to go to the bathroom. mind you, ive known kat almost all my life. i know that house like the back of my hand. but, that night, i decide i want to use kat's mom's bathroom. i go into her room. she wakes up and says, "lyn?" or something like that and i proceed to shush her. "shhhhhhh!" as i giggle and enter her bathroom. in the morning i ended up in their living room. i dont remember how i got there either, but all i knew was that i was supposed to drive my mom to the airport that morning around 630am and it was 7am when i woke up. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. i ran out of that house so fast and drove home to find my mother already gone. and it was only then that i realized i was still drunk. bet you cant wait for my entry on saturday. eh. i'm old now. nothing exciting happens anymore. saturday i'll be telling you about my rousing weekend of monopoly/alphabetized my bookshelf/watched mash and went to bed/ story. 1:31 PM

Wednesday, March 06, 2002 untitled apparently i have gerd. gerd hurts. what's gerd, you ask? acid reflux. its like a radiating pain stemming from the middle of my chest. when it happens, i cant breathe. it means i'm old, doesnt it? the people in those commercials with heartburn and acid reflux are, like, middle-aged. ugh. this morning i had to service the car. 40,000 miles. first major service. i waited from 8:50 am til 12:30 pm. first of all, its like $300 to get it serviced, and that doesnt include if there is something actually wrong with the car. um, what am i paying $300 for? so, then, they tell me i have to get my brake pads and rotors changed. i swore i heard him say the price was like 39 something. but my old age is getting the better of me, because my ears misplaced a digit. it was more like $390 for a grand total of $775.65. on a good note, phoebe is running like brand new. to end this uninspiring entry, here is a list of things to do before you die, courtesy of instyle magazine: 1. hear your favorite musician play live 2. drive cross-country with a lover 3. identify, then conquer, your biggest fear 4. spend an entire week all by yourself 5. witness childbirth 6. place a bet in Vegas or Monte Carlo 7. make amends with someone you feel you have wronged 8. have your portrait painted - or your photo taken - by a professional. ps, i did not buy this magazine...it was one of the many that i did read during my three and a half hour wait at vw. 2:01 PM

Tuesday, March 05, 2002 valhalla with one big happy family yesterday was an interesting experience. surreal, even. last night was another birthday celebration...location:outback steakhouse. time:8:00pm. i didnt want to go at first. my shitty day yesterday got even worse and i told j that i wasnt in the mood to intermingle with 20 some-odd people, half of whom i didnt know. but i felt bad because he was being really sweet and i was being so cranky with him. so last minute i decided that i would go...but i was a half-an-hour late due to some technical difficulties. anyway, i get there and there is a table of 18 just lined up with folks i could not distinguish. its difficult to distinguish asians when they are all bunched up together like that. so i looked for my two beacons of hope, michelle and j. and there they were at the end of the table, light shining and all. i sat down with them and got settled and then looked around. and what do you know, ex-girlfriend from down the street is sitting in perfect view of us. now, i dont mind this. what i do mind is the fact that my eyes were magnetically pulled in that direction. like deer to headlights. cant explain this phenomenon. but i could not help but look at this girl. and every time i did, i'd yell at myself to stop. i really tried to feel comfortable, but in the back of my head, i just felt bad. the whole night was chatter amongst the cliques that had formed at the table. i kept all my attention towards michelle and j. and tried so hard not to look up. or should i have? what is the etiquette for that? did i spell etiquette correctly? doesnt look like it. digressing.... so, today i vow to have a good day. my dad doesnt seem as pissed off with me today. i actually did some work today. i am going shopping for my goddaughter with j tonight. going to look for a nice shirt to wear for joyce's bday party on friday. ps. i think that voicestream is screwing with me. i think they realized that i dont check over my bill for errors and they have tried to use that to their advantage. but i'm on to you, voicestream. 11:41 AM

Monday, March 04, 2002 11:14am and already a bad day... all is not alright with the world. did you ever just have one of those days where you woke up and you knew you were already having a bad day? all of last week was shitty, not a good start for the month of march. argargargargargarg. my father has been upset with me since yesterday. i could hear it in his voice and the way he didnt speak to me the whole day. so this morning he calls up the office/house to tell me to call these two people for whatever reason. call up person #1. done. call up person #2. doesnt speak english. gives phone to evil bitch of a woman who finds it necessary to yell at me like i'm some 3-year old that doesnt know what she's doing. wtf? i am trying to help your stupid ass get into this country. here's a useful piece of advice: dont fuck with the people that are trying to help you get something...that means people taking your order at mcdonalds, customer service for voicestream and certainly people that are trying to get your immigration papers approved so you can work in this country. 11:27 AM

Sunday, March 03, 2002 all is right with the world yesterday was my long trek up to albany. let me tell you, if kat wasnt with me, i think i would have driven myself off the the road. the drive is just so mind-numbing. 2 some odd hours of bland driving. the school is nice - the med school, school of pharmacy and the law school are in the same area. carlos, our tour guide, was interesting. he spoke with a slight stutter and it sounded as if his tongue was too big for his mouth. everytime he had difficulty saying something, i wanted to hug him and tell him everything was ok. he had that nervous laughter that made me feel sorry for him. so i asked him questions and smiled at him during the few times he made eye contact, just so he'd feel a little more comfortable. the drive back was a blur...stopped by woodbury to rest our feet and hurt our wallets. bought black boots, 3 sweaters, running pants and underwear! $1.99 at banana republic! so then at 830pm, kat and i decide that we are hungry and go to tgif to eat. it was a madhouse in there. a supposed 30 minute wait turned into something like a hour....or a year. ridiculous. and when we finally did get seated, we waited another day or so for the waiter to come and take our order. i was so tired from being up since 7am, that i was ready to knock out right there. so right at this moment, i am supposed to be getting ready so that i can go hang out with kat and bles. to all those that have not watched it yet, i heartily advertise the movie 40 days and 40 nights. i saw it on friday with j, and we were both hysterical with laughter. i liked it so much, i am going to see it again today. 4:18 PM