Saturday, March 29, 2003 diagnosed according to dr. kat, i had some form of conjunctivitis. its almost gone, but now i'm very paranoid to touch my eye. i used to rub them all the time -- that was my reason for never wearing eye makeup...all of it would just rub off and create that raccoon look for me. i received my first check yesterday. yeay! time for shopping today! i should be reading now but instead i am trying to catch up on the things that i really want to do. my new lucky subscription courtesy of michelle arrived yesterday. i also have a real simple magazine that i bought on wednesday and my last issue of self magazine that i have not touched yet due to no time! what has the world come to when i cannot spare a moment to read a magazine? two more weeks and then they ship me downstairs to my own little cube to decorate. i was thinking that i could lay a sleeping bag underneath the table for siesta at lunchtime. i was estimating the measurements in other cubicles, and i think it could be done. at work there are days that i perform very well, getting everything perfect and working in an incredibly fast paced flow. yesterday was not one of those days. the lack of sleep from the night before might have contributed to my poor performance, but i just felt like total and complete crap. i had to drink three cups of coffee to stay awake and i kept drinking water in between it all but that just made me go to the bathroom every thirty minutes. 8:27 AM

Tuesday, March 25, 2003 shleepy i apologize for the neglect...things have been rather busy the last couple of days. i finished my first official week of work and am now knee deep into the second week. i'm so tired all the time. this weekend i didn't stay awake past 12. what's that all about? my average time for sleeping is 1130, which is good, but i'm starting to think i need more time for sleep. its hard to squeeze in little things that you want to do when the majority of your day is filled. no worries, i'm smiling. the only thing that's stressing me is school. i have so much shit due, and all i want to do is sleep. so many things to read plus learning how navigate a new editorial database. where am i going to squeeze in the time to do a fifteen page paper? i think that my eye may be infected. its the good eye, too. the lid is all swollen and puffy and it hurts when i close my eyes or blink or open my eyes too much. that's bad, considering i have to open my eyes for the majority of work. 9:02 PM

Wednesday, March 19, 2003 sunny with highs around 40 do people know that the speed limit is 65 miles per hour? i'm going 80 with the flow of traffic. its kind of scary doing that since i am still insuranceless. my sleeping schedule is getting better. i havent really been having any problems getting up at six. the fear drives me to get up in the morning. i guess that's a good thing. the bad thing is, i'm exhausted once i get home. i hope this is something i get used to, because its really taking a toll on my social life. once i get home, i just want to collapse. i know its only been 3 days, but i am really exhausted and its only 9pm. i have to shower now, but i'm just too lazy. the banana-eating is not helping. thankfully, i have stayed away from coffee...but it seems to be my only salvation. they are serving sloppy joes at the cafeteria tomorrow. oh, happy day. 9:09 PM

Monday, March 17, 2003 the new daily grind i'm beat. at 1230pm, i wanted to take a nap. orientation was three hours. lunch was an hour and training was from 1 til 430. i'm tired and i want to sleep now, but this is the only time to regulate my sleep patterns. i woke up at 600am just to make sure i wouldnt be late. i wonder why i can't be more personable. its weird how some people can just immediately open up to complete strangers, but it doesnt happen with me that way. all the people that i consider close to me have been people that i have immediately clicked with when i met them. if i meet you and i don't click with you, chances are, we probably won't be very good friends. it doesn't mean i don't like you...not at all. i just interact differently with acquaintances than i do with real friends. i hate casual conversation, forced conversation, conversation for the sake of conversation. i would be more comforable sitting in uncomfortable silence than trying to strike up conversation with a person i would rather not talk to. i just don't see the point. i am not good with the bullshit talk. anyway, work on the whole was good. i especially enjoyed the ride home. the weather was absolutely beautiful. what felt better was i was doing something for the majority of the day. it had structure and purpose. i have something to wake up to, responsibilties to attend to, things that have to get done by me and only me. and tomorrow it will begin again. 7:43 PM

Saturday, March 15, 2003 fantastic flea finds the flea market two weeks in a row. i found yet another atlas glass and a new bag for work for only $5. i had to buy another pair of sunglasses because i forgot the pair that i found last week and it was too sunny outside to be unshielded. by the way, the weather was beautiful today. michelle pointed out that all of next week is supposed to be in the sixties and while i'm at work, she'll be outside playing. what a bitch. we did have one more day in the city. walked aimlessly around brooklyn on friday while she ran errands and then finally hemmed the rest of my pants. 4 pairs of pants for $16. at garden state, one pair of pants is $20 so i gave the guy a $4 dollar tip. i was able to finally try the crepes -- mushroom and swiss, hmmm. t-minus two days and counting. work starts on monday and i still don't have insurance for the car. i wonder how that's going to work. tonight i'm out to celebrate michelle's brother's birthday, michelle's own good news and my last weekend of freedom. see ya! 9:21 PM

Friday, March 14, 2003 blood is thicker than water i would just like to note that its two oclock in the morning and i should be sleeping already. and with that out of the way, i can safely say i will not get up early enough to run the last of my errands before monday. anyhoo, i did get to buy my alarm clock at target. its so small and green and cute and its got a name--liv. i dont know why, it just does. my cousin was in fine form today. he was watching some motivational television show and became motivated to organize his life. (he's a little cluttered.) anyhow, the tv show told the viewers to focus on one task per day and to write that one task ten times in a notebook to program themselves to do what they were supposed to do. and so my cousin became very excited to find a notebook to start this exercise. i just laughed. he went on to explain how he needed a notebook to remind him to look at the errands that he had in his palm pilot because he would write down what he needed to do, but he would never look at his palm--thus never doing said errand. "so, you need a notebook to tell you to look at your organizer?" well, safe to say, he didnt find his notebook at target. there was little selection, so we decided to visit staples where he would be able to find said notebook. and in the midst of rifling through various items in various aisles, he comes across a voice recorder. he decides that he needs the voice recorder to remind him to look at his notebook. "so, you need a voice recorder to remind you to look at your notebook that will remind you to look at your organizer?" and that's my cousin in a nutshell. what a nut. and in the middle of coffee later on in the evening, he starts singing one verse of an eighties song that sounded so familiar. "this is it" were the only words he knew to the song and he would sporadically burst into song every so often. i think i was listening subconsciously, because it didnt really dawn on me what he was singing until i asked at the end of the night. and then we just both started cracking up because we realized how stupid he sounded singing these three words over and over again with absolutely no clue as to what the song was or where he heard it...or why it got stuck in his head for that matter. all i have to end with is, "i dont care about two dollars and fifty cents. i have many two dollars and fifty cents. and if i dont have two dollars and fifty cents, i can just call up my moms and say, 'hey mom, can i have two dollars and fifty cents?'" family, you gotta love 'em. 2:21 AM

Wednesday, March 12, 2003 question: when people tell you about their dreams, do you really listen to what they are saying? are you really interested to know? do you sit there listening or are you just mumbling, "uh-huh, uh-huh." i mean, its a dream. it really didn't happen. why would i care? and yet, i am so excited to tell them about the dream that i had. i know its not going to be as interesting to them as it was to me, so why do i do it? i guess the same reason they do. i also realize why james was initially attracted to me. the other day, michelle, james and i were talking about the wonder years or something like that, and the name winnie cooper was mentioned. and for all of you that don't know, i have been told by many a persons that we have similiar facial features. i don't really know what, because i myself have denied this statement, but whatever. so while michelle was griping about how ugly she thought winnie cooper was, james replies, "oh, i used to have a crush on her. i though she was so pretty." and then it just dawned on me. i haven't decided if that story is cute or just sad. i'm sorry, i'm not really motivated to write...i just want to go to target right now and buy an alarm clock but the fact that my insurance expired on my car yesterday prohibits me from doing so. i wanted taco bell carne asada steak tacos but i settled for the cold pizza leftover from lunch. i wanted to go to the bookstore and sell back old books but i can't do that because my car is currently uninsured and if i were to get a ticket, my car would be towed. i guess this wouldn't be the time to laugh in the face of danger. 9:37 PM

Tuesday, March 11, 2003 procrastinating... its turns out my wisdom tooth is impacted, so i must visit a specialist to get this thing removed. there's good news and bad news. the good news: i'll be knocked the f%^k out during this procedure so i won't have flashbacks of clockwork orange like the last time. the bad news: it costs $500. so instead, i'll wait uncomfortably until my dental insurance kicks in -- and then i'll schedule my appointment. another disturbing thought: i bought something on the internet last night and upon pressing the final order button that processes your credit card information, i realized that i put the wrong email address. i misspelled my own email address, if you can believe it. what an idiot. so now someone, god knows who, is getting my order/confimation information that i really want in order to check my tracking number via ups. i was watching mtv last night while trying to fall asleep and caught the new justin timberlake video that is very reminiscent of jamiroquai's music and last video. he's doing a pretty good job of straying from the pop genre of music. but as talented as he is, i wonder if he is respected by rap artists or rock artists who are respected themselves for their artistic talent and integrity. deep thoughts, people. i feel so unmotivated. ugh. there are so many things to do. i have to read right now but i am truly unmotivated. i have class this afternoon but i am so tempted not to go. i have to go to the dry cleaners and drop off my clothes. i have to go to the alteration place and hem 5 pairs of pants. i have to get an extra set of keys made. i have to get batteries for my palm pilot. i have to buy an alarm clock. i have to go to fleet and open another checking account because i am avoiding confrontation with my existing bank and would rather the hassle of two checking accounts than actually closing one to open another. i need a check card, dammit, and my bank does not offer one. and my debit card keeps rubbing against something that is causing all the information to be erased on the magnetic strip on the back of the card which makes me look stupid while i swipe that piece of shit through the machine 50 times wondering why the machine won't read my card only to realize i have to replace my 6th mac card and this is just getting ridiculous. i felt really guilty doing it, but i made james buy me a $15 pen. we were at best buy last night and i was just browsing because nothing in that store interested me, but i came across palm pilot accessories. its a four in one pen: a black-ink pen, a red-ink pen, a 0.5 mm pencil and a stylus all in one. oh, happy day. 12:55 PM

Monday, March 10, 2003 rearranged woke up too late to go to dry cleaners. should be showering at this moment but instead i am checking email and the such. i have a dentist appointment (cue foreboding music) at one-thirty and if all goes well---well, if all doesnt go well, i will be one tooth short by three oclock. which means i cannot go to my cousin's bridesmaid dress fitting because i will be too woozy to think. this whole dentist appointment dictates what i will be doing in the next week. if i do get said tooth pulled, i will be incapacitated for the next three to seven days, depending on my recovery period. i cant go to the bridesmaid dress fitting, i cant go to class...etc. if it doesnt happen, then i promised my cousin i would go riding with him on thursday and i have to go to class, which technically would not be a good thing because i have once again procrasinated on reading v. woolf. alright, alright, i'm going now. i have to get out of here already. 12:12 PM

Sunday, March 09, 2003 weekend update i had a persistent headache this whole weekend. regardless, i did complete two of the four things that i was supposed to do this weekend. joyce's birthday dinner was an interesting event, as was the young japanese hibachi chef that greeted us with a "yo!" the rest of the night was an on going joke between the guys at the table screaming "yao!" at him and the chef yelling back "yo!" i woke james up at an undecent hour of saturday morning so that we could head over to the flea market...i found 2 small atlas glasses (i collect them) and $5 sunglasses. it was a beautiful 50 degrees and with the sun out and the music blaring old 50's music, it was the perfect setting for a saturday morning/afternoon. afterwards, james washed my car and i helped by watching. i'm tired from doing nothing today, shame on me...i should have been finishing homework. one more week of unadulterated fun til i start work. yeay! 5:38 PM

Friday, March 07, 2003 farewell to solid foods for three to seven days i woke up with the worst feeling of lactic acid burning through my muscles and i remembered why. my nose is stuffed but i'm feeling positive because i had a very good lunch. kat picked me up after her doctor's appointment and we headed to cozi's where i indulged in a mozzerella, tomato and basil melt...it was just like pizza. miraculously, i remembered that today is a meatless day--i was originally eyeing the tandoori chicken. i'm feeling a little cold and my eyes are watering a little more than usual so i am thinking that i have some sort of sickness in the beginning stages. i also scheduled for a dentist appointment on monday because i believe that my wisdom tooth is coming out. i'm surprised that i didnt procrastinate on that one, because i usually do with things that involve pain. i'm just going to enjoy my weekend of food and relaxation before they begin the torturous task of extracting teeth on monday. 5:30 PM

friday five 1. What was the last song you heard? ignition remix by r. kelly on 97.1 2. What were the last two movies you saw? 'how to lose a guy in 10 days' with matthew mcconaughey and kate hudson and 'a guy thing' with julia stiles and jason lee. my guy loves the chick flicks. 3. What were the last three things you purchased? a woven asian inspired basket to replace my old memory shoebox that was falling apart, a tee-shirt that says 'dont be a litterbug' with a cute little ladybug (the ladybug sold me) and a baby pink crewneck short sleeve tee-shirt (basic tees are an essential in the wardrobe). 4. What four things do you need to do this weekend? go to my best friend's birthday dinner on friday, finish reading mrs. dalloway for class, hopefully go flea market shopping on saturday if the weather permits and get the oil changed in my car. 5. Who are the last five people you talked to? my boyfriend, three of my best friends and my dad. 12:18 AM

Thursday, March 06, 2003 the cold hand of frostbite i just spent two and a half hours shoveling. two and a half. shoveling snow and packed snow and slush and ice. i hurt everywhere. i know that i should be kissing the ground that i don't live in alaska but then again, there are some PEOPLE on the other side of this country that are complaining about 60 degree weather...so i think i have a right to bitch a little too. yesterday i ran with michelle for the first time ever. actually, its the first time that i have actually run with someone besides that one incident where some guy at the park started running with me...but that doesnt count, because i didnt know him. anyway, i think that its much better to have a running buddy because things arent so lonely. and besides, its nice to run with someone at a park where they found a dead body just last summer. and i did not eat meat yesterday, unlike some sinners. now, here's the irony about that: why do i practice some parts of catholicism while i leave others, mainly attending church on sabbath, highly neglected? many excuses that range from, "oh, my toe hurts" to "its too early to get up" seem to excuse my attendance in the house of god. the other day, i tried to get james to eat meat with me this friday (because its joyce's birthday and we are eating out) by not eating meat on saturday. its effort, i think. right at this moment, i am trying to decide whether or not to drive to the airport to see if my dad has arrived. the flight schedule on the computer and the telephone keeps saying that his flight was cancelled, but the last time he called, he said that his flight was going to arrive at four. and yes, before you ask, i did call his cell phone, but to no avail. he was not picking up. which could mean one of two things. he is in the air and his cell phone is off or he turned his cell phone off, which he does when he is not using it. which i personally think is the most ridiculous thing to do. i mean, how selfish. just because you dont want to talk doesnt mean that no one out there wants to talk to you. i find this the only annoying habit my parents have. i can never get in contact with them because they always turn their cell phones off. if that's the case, i will buy you a beeper. jeez. ooh, my back is killing me. i cant sit in this position for too long. we'll talk later. 4:40 PM

Tuesday, March 04, 2003 i should be sleeping i'm not feeling very well...its the womanly issues again. so i decided to treat myself with three tee-shirts and a bag of twizzlers. i was asked to attend yet another wedding as a bridesmaid. and although i am honored, these people need to know i have no dinero. i have got a half a dozen weddings to go to this year, a bunch of wedding showers, one baby shower and a 25th wedding anniversary. not to mention those friends of mine that decided to clump all their birthdays in the month of april. i should have been reading the book for my thesis, but i opted to watch the espn classic 1984 acc championship game between north carolina and duke. well worth the procrastination. i decided that when i finally move into a place of my own, i will not get cable tv. its just too much of a distraction. 3:14 AM

Sunday, March 02, 2003 it gets worse before it gets better coffee would be nice right now, but i'm much too lazy to go out and get some. when i got home today, i decided to implement some of the things that i have learned from the organization book that i bought. SPACE. sort, purge, attack, containerize and equalize. that is the theory behind this woman's techniques. i won't go into it because, again, i'm way too lazy. i finally threw away all the law school applications and pamphlets that were sitting in my room from that 'period.' the reason why it took me so long was because i was thinking maybe it wasnt totally void. that i may still consider it. but, if i think about the reasons why i never applied, i would realize that path wasn't the right one for me. its a little uneasy just giving up something you thought you would do for so long. not that i really ever started anything, but the fact that i am throwing everything away just seems....final. i'm just hoping that what i'm doing now isn't a big mistake. but if it is, how else do you learn and grow but to experience mistakes? anyway, my room is in a state of emergency right now because of my sudden need to clean. i have always been fascinated by organization, even if i was never really good at it. i think this stemmed from the berenstain bears book series. it was the 'messy room' book and sister bear and brother bear got in trouble because they had the messiest room. the only thing that sticks out in my mind is the illustration where mama bear organized their closet and labeled all the shoeboxes for their different toys. and i so badly wanted a closet so i could do that too. 7:43 PM

Saturday, March 01, 2003 17 days til work its very disappointing to come back from barnes and noble empty handed. i looked a couple of children's books and art magazines, but nothing caught my eye. today was another missed opportunity to go flea market shopping. i woke up too late to go, so i watched the director's commentary on amelie and ate left-over spaghetti from last night. i did hear the best pick up line today. "i'm hot and your cold...lets make warm together." what a nut. otherwise, i succumbed to numerous stomach pains and comforted myself with two pepperoni and mushroom pizzas. 11:15 PM